Boost Self Confidence
1. How to build confidence
an introduction to the life-changing formula that will transform your life.
Self-esteem isn't everything, it's just that there's nothing without it. - Gloria Steinem
First, develop self-awareness: know yourself, acknowledge that there are aspects of yourself that you wish to change, and understand what has stopped you feeling confident so far.
Then apply the I-T-I-A Formula:
1. Assert your intention to be confident, and make a commitment.
2. Change your thinking. This includes changing restrictive attitudes and beliefs.
3. Use your imagination. Imagine yourself as a confident person.
4. Act as if you are already confident. The more you speak and behave confidently, the more confident you will become.
Decide right now to treat yourself with love and respect and accept only the best for yourself for the rest of your life.
Self-esteem isn't everything, it's just that there's nothing without it. - Gloria Steinem
First, develop self-awareness: know yourself, acknowledge that there are aspects of yourself that you wish to change, and understand what has stopped you feeling confident so far.
Then apply the I-T-I-A Formula:
1. Assert your intention to be confident, and make a commitment.
2. Change your thinking. This includes changing restrictive attitudes and beliefs.
3. Use your imagination. Imagine yourself as a confident person.
4. Act as if you are already confident. The more you speak and behave confidently, the more confident you will become.
Decide right now to treat yourself with love and respect and accept only the best for yourself for the rest of your life.
2. How confident are you
Defining your starting point.
If you deliberately plan to be less than you are capable of being, then I warn you that you will be unhappy for the rest of your life. You'll be evading your own capabilities, your own possibilities. - Professor Abraham Maslow
Your self-image – the way you see yourself – is made up of three core feelings and beliefs:
1. Self-worth: the value you place on yourself – how comfortable you are being you and the extent to which you feel worthy of happiness and success.
2. Competence: your beliefs about your capacity to achieve, solve problems and think for yourself. This is what I mean by confidence.
3. Belonging: whether you feel accepted and respected by others.
Your assessment of your self-worth and feelings of belonging make up your self-esteem.
If you deliberately plan to be less than you are capable of being, then I warn you that you will be unhappy for the rest of your life. You'll be evading your own capabilities, your own possibilities. - Professor Abraham Maslow
Your self-image – the way you see yourself – is made up of three core feelings and beliefs:
1. Self-worth: the value you place on yourself – how comfortable you are being you and the extent to which you feel worthy of happiness and success.
2. Competence: your beliefs about your capacity to achieve, solve problems and think for yourself. This is what I mean by confidence.
3. Belonging: whether you feel accepted and respected by others.
Your assessment of your self-worth and feelings of belonging make up your self-esteem.
3. Sow the seeds of confidence and watch them grow
why you are the way you are and how you can become what you want to be.
And tomorrow only a vision
But today well lived makes
Every yesterday a dream of happiness
And every tomorrow a vision of hope
Look well therefore to this day.
- Traditional Indian Poem
What you sow you reap is a time-honoured truism. If you plant an acorn in moist, fertile soil, it will grow into a mighty oak. It can't help it, it's genetically programmed that way.
Similarly, no matter what has gone before, if you plant the seeds of confidence in your consciousness through your intentions, thoughts, attitudes and beliefs, imaginings, actions and words, and keep them well nourished, confidence will grow.
The seeds – or causes – that have blossomed into the person you are include:
1. Your genetic inheritance and biochemistry (hormones etc). Scientists tell us that these account for around 25-35% of your character.
2. The environment in which you were raised, including people.
3. Your unique way of trying to make sense of it all, both at the time and now.
Confidence (or lack of it) is learned, mostly in the first few years of childhood. It began to take shape when you were weak and vulnerable, after which it became self-reinforcing. And anything which has been learned can be reappraised and replaced with new, superior learning.
And tomorrow only a vision
But today well lived makes
Every yesterday a dream of happiness
And every tomorrow a vision of hope
Look well therefore to this day.
- Traditional Indian Poem
What you sow you reap is a time-honoured truism. If you plant an acorn in moist, fertile soil, it will grow into a mighty oak. It can't help it, it's genetically programmed that way.
Similarly, no matter what has gone before, if you plant the seeds of confidence in your consciousness through your intentions, thoughts, attitudes and beliefs, imaginings, actions and words, and keep them well nourished, confidence will grow.
The seeds – or causes – that have blossomed into the person you are include:
1. Your genetic inheritance and biochemistry (hormones etc). Scientists tell us that these account for around 25-35% of your character.
2. The environment in which you were raised, including people.
3. Your unique way of trying to make sense of it all, both at the time and now.
Confidence (or lack of it) is learned, mostly in the first few years of childhood. It began to take shape when you were weak and vulnerable, after which it became self-reinforcing. And anything which has been learned can be reappraised and replaced with new, superior learning.
4. Whose responsibility is your confidence
Why, yours, of course!
For any of us to be truly free, we must first be willing to be responsible for our lives. - David McNally
Only one person can build your confidence – guess who? That's right, you. If you don't do it, who will?
It will only happen if you make a firm commitment, set goals, plan a strategy and take action. All of this means accepting full responsibility for yourself – deciding to be confident and refusing to allow anyone to deflect you from your chosen course.
Accepting responsibility adds up to never, never blaming other people for:
1. Your lack of confidence
2. How others treat you
3. Your thoughts, words and actions
4. Failures, misfortunes and setbacks
5. Or anything else.
Assume that everything that happens from now on is your own doing. Think and behave accordingly. You'll find it's one of the most liberating things you can do.
We have to learn to be our own best friend because we fall too easily into the trap of being our own worst enemies. - Roderick Thorp
For any of us to be truly free, we must first be willing to be responsible for our lives. - David McNally
Only one person can build your confidence – guess who? That's right, you. If you don't do it, who will?
It will only happen if you make a firm commitment, set goals, plan a strategy and take action. All of this means accepting full responsibility for yourself – deciding to be confident and refusing to allow anyone to deflect you from your chosen course.
Accepting responsibility adds up to never, never blaming other people for:
1. Your lack of confidence
2. How others treat you
3. Your thoughts, words and actions
4. Failures, misfortunes and setbacks
5. Or anything else.
Assume that everything that happens from now on is your own doing. Think and behave accordingly. You'll find it's one of the most liberating things you can do.
We have to learn to be our own best friend because we fall too easily into the trap of being our own worst enemies. - Roderick Thorp
5. Getting motivated
setting goals which give you the impetus to change and to grow.
To change one's life: Start immediately. Do it flamboyantly. No exceptions. No excuses. - Professor William James
Building confidence takes time, patience and effort. You will have to take a few risks. At times you will feel anxious. How can you motivate yourself to put up with the discomfort and persevere?
We humans are motivated by:
1. A want or need which induces tension. Only if these are unsatisfied can there be motivational power.
2. Perceptions of 'pleasure'and 'pain'. We seek pleasure and are driven by a desire to avoid pain.
3. Hopes and expectations that we can get what we want, and that everything will come right in the end.
The strongest motivation comes from a passionate desire for something pleasurable, coupled with the avoidance of pain.
The best way to motivate yourself is to set yourself some worthy goals, find plenty of reasons why you want to accomplish them, and keep in mind the consequences of failure – which is what you are about to do.
To change one's life: Start immediately. Do it flamboyantly. No exceptions. No excuses. - Professor William James
Building confidence takes time, patience and effort. You will have to take a few risks. At times you will feel anxious. How can you motivate yourself to put up with the discomfort and persevere?
We humans are motivated by:
1. A want or need which induces tension. Only if these are unsatisfied can there be motivational power.
2. Perceptions of 'pleasure'and 'pain'. We seek pleasure and are driven by a desire to avoid pain.
3. Hopes and expectations that we can get what we want, and that everything will come right in the end.
The strongest motivation comes from a passionate desire for something pleasurable, coupled with the avoidance of pain.
The best way to motivate yourself is to set yourself some worthy goals, find plenty of reasons why you want to accomplish them, and keep in mind the consequences of failure – which is what you are about to do.
6. Determination
identifying the reasons to change, and reinforcing your commitment to be confident.
If you head towards your goal with courage and determination, all the powers of the universe will come to your aid. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Determination is perhaps the quality that underpins all success. No one gets very far without it. If you've lacked confidence for years it won't change overnight without determination on your part.
Every choice you make – including the choice to become more confident – is a result of weighing up the balance of 'pleasure'and 'pain'. When faced with a decision, you consciousIy or subconsciously weigh up the alternatives and their consequences. You ask yourself:
1. What are the advantages of pursuing this course of action? If I go ahead, what will be the probable rewards? How much 'pleasure'will it bring? Are there any disadvantages? How much 'pain'?
2. If I do not go ahead, how much 'pain'will I avoid? And how much 'pleasure'am I likely to forego?
For example, learning a new skill potentially brings many future benefits, but may involve short-term sacrifices, especially the time and effort you put in. But as long as you keep in mind the advantages that will come your way, your determination remains strong. Anything is possible if you have enough reasons to change.
It only takes 30 days to lay the foundations for lasting change in your thinking, your behaviour and your life.
Feel the fear and do it anyway
If you head towards your goal with courage and determination, all the powers of the universe will come to your aid. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Determination is perhaps the quality that underpins all success. No one gets very far without it. If you've lacked confidence for years it won't change overnight without determination on your part.
Every choice you make – including the choice to become more confident – is a result of weighing up the balance of 'pleasure'and 'pain'. When faced with a decision, you consciousIy or subconsciously weigh up the alternatives and their consequences. You ask yourself:
1. What are the advantages of pursuing this course of action? If I go ahead, what will be the probable rewards? How much 'pleasure'will it bring? Are there any disadvantages? How much 'pain'?
2. If I do not go ahead, how much 'pain'will I avoid? And how much 'pleasure'am I likely to forego?
For example, learning a new skill potentially brings many future benefits, but may involve short-term sacrifices, especially the time and effort you put in. But as long as you keep in mind the advantages that will come your way, your determination remains strong. Anything is possible if you have enough reasons to change.
It only takes 30 days to lay the foundations for lasting change in your thinking, your behaviour and your life.
Feel the fear and do it anyway
7. Thinking like a confident person
you start transforming your life by changing the way you think.
Unless there be correct thought, there cannot be any action, and when there is correct thought, right action will follow. - Henry George
Now it's time to take a close look at how you think.
As the greatest and wisest teachers have always taught, improving the quality of your thoughts improves your life almost immediately:
1. The Bible quotes King Solomon: 'As a man thinketh, so shall he be.'2. The Buddhist text, The Dhammapada, states: 'We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make our world.'
3. The Greek philosopher Socrates said, 'To find yourself, think for yourself.'
When you think like a confident person, you automatically feel more confident and act more confidently. Positive thinkers are the happiest and most successful. Sometimes all it takes to change your life forever is a single thought!
Humans are not robots: you can intentionally choose how to think, and if you are serious about building your confidence you must start changing your thinking patterns without delay.
As long as you keep thinking as you've been thinking, you'll keep feeling as you've been feeling, doing as you've been doing, and getting what you've been getting.
We live ourselves by our thought, we climb upon our vision of ourselves. If you want to enlarge your life, you must first enlarge your thoughts of it and yourself. Hold the ideal of yourself as you long to be, always, everywhere. - Orison Swett Marden
Unless there be correct thought, there cannot be any action, and when there is correct thought, right action will follow. - Henry George
Now it's time to take a close look at how you think.
As the greatest and wisest teachers have always taught, improving the quality of your thoughts improves your life almost immediately:
1. The Bible quotes King Solomon: 'As a man thinketh, so shall he be.'2. The Buddhist text, The Dhammapada, states: 'We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make our world.'
3. The Greek philosopher Socrates said, 'To find yourself, think for yourself.'
When you think like a confident person, you automatically feel more confident and act more confidently. Positive thinkers are the happiest and most successful. Sometimes all it takes to change your life forever is a single thought!
Humans are not robots: you can intentionally choose how to think, and if you are serious about building your confidence you must start changing your thinking patterns without delay.
As long as you keep thinking as you've been thinking, you'll keep feeling as you've been feeling, doing as you've been doing, and getting what you've been getting.
We live ourselves by our thought, we climb upon our vision of ourselves. If you want to enlarge your life, you must first enlarge your thoughts of it and yourself. Hold the ideal of yourself as you long to be, always, everywhere. - Orison Swett Marden
8. The Four Step Method
a cast iron way to become a positive thinker.
Choose your own thoughts. Don't let anyone else choose them for you. - David Lawrence Preston
Negative thinking can quickly spiral out of control and destroy your confidence if you allow it. This is where The Four Step Method – a simple technique for becoming aware of disempowering thoughts – comes in. It's quickly learned and easily applied and, with practice, soon becomes second nature.
The four steps are:
1. Be mindful.
2. Stop disempowering thoughts.
3. Replace them with empowering thoughts.
4. Keep going until it becomes automatic.
The Four Step Method is quite simply the most effective single technique for building self-confidence.
Avoid destructive thinking. Improper negative thoughts sink people. A ship can sail around the world many, many times, but let just enough water get into the ship and it will sink. Just so with the human mind. Let enough negative thoughts or improper thoughts get into the human mind and the person sinks just like a ship. - Alfred A. Montapert
Choose your own thoughts. Don't let anyone else choose them for you. - David Lawrence Preston
Negative thinking can quickly spiral out of control and destroy your confidence if you allow it. This is where The Four Step Method – a simple technique for becoming aware of disempowering thoughts – comes in. It's quickly learned and easily applied and, with practice, soon becomes second nature.
The four steps are:
1. Be mindful.
2. Stop disempowering thoughts.
3. Replace them with empowering thoughts.
4. Keep going until it becomes automatic.
The Four Step Method is quite simply the most effective single technique for building self-confidence.
Avoid destructive thinking. Improper negative thoughts sink people. A ship can sail around the world many, many times, but let just enough water get into the ship and it will sink. Just so with the human mind. Let enough negative thoughts or improper thoughts get into the human mind and the person sinks just like a ship. - Alfred A. Montapert
9. Silencing the Inner Critic
challenging the little voice in your head that loves to criticise you.
Don't be afraid of your negative thoughts: just know them for what they are – not the truth, just negative thoughts. Give them no house room in your consciousness and they will dissolve into what they are – false ideas, false concepts, with nothing to sustain them. - Nona Coxhead
The Inner Critic is that pernicious little voice inside your head that constantly carps, complains and condemns. It is the voice that sows doubt – 'Yes... but.... supposing. You're rubbish at that, you know you are. It will all go wrong, it always does!'
If you let thoughts such as these go unchallenged you give the Inner Critic the power to destroy your confidence and lower your self-esteem. You must learn to tell it to shut up, stop being silly and go away. Then change the thoughts to something positive.
Sometimes all it takes is a single thought .
Don't be afraid of your negative thoughts: just know them for what they are – not the truth, just negative thoughts. Give them no house room in your consciousness and they will dissolve into what they are – false ideas, false concepts, with nothing to sustain them. - Nona Coxhead
The Inner Critic is that pernicious little voice inside your head that constantly carps, complains and condemns. It is the voice that sows doubt – 'Yes... but.... supposing. You're rubbish at that, you know you are. It will all go wrong, it always does!'
If you let thoughts such as these go unchallenged you give the Inner Critic the power to destroy your confidence and lower your self-esteem. You must learn to tell it to shut up, stop being silly and go away. Then change the thoughts to something positive.
Sometimes all it takes is a single thought .
10. Affirmations
how to use them to build confidence and the difference they make.
When we change our attitude towards ourselves, everything else changes as well, for our life is a reflection of the way we feel inside. - Dr Mansukh Patel
Affirmations are a form of self-suggestion – a kind of sound-byte you give to yourself. You're using affirmations every moment whether you know it or not. You're affirming and creating your life experiences with every word and thought. They work on a principle known to advertisers and spin doctors the world over – repetition. If you tell someone, including yourself, something often enough, sooner or later you will be believed. The more skilful the phrasing of the message and the more forcefully expressed, the better.
Affirmations help to:
1. Emphasise your good points.
2. Change weaknesses into strengths.
3. Change attitudes.
4. Focus on what you want for yourself.
Affirmations are extremely effective in changing thinking patterns and programming the subconscious mind. With practice they become a powerful weapon in your confidence-building arsenal.
When we change our attitude towards ourselves, everything else changes as well, for our life is a reflection of the way we feel inside. - Dr Mansukh Patel
Affirmations are a form of self-suggestion – a kind of sound-byte you give to yourself. You're using affirmations every moment whether you know it or not. You're affirming and creating your life experiences with every word and thought. They work on a principle known to advertisers and spin doctors the world over – repetition. If you tell someone, including yourself, something often enough, sooner or later you will be believed. The more skilful the phrasing of the message and the more forcefully expressed, the better.
Affirmations help to:
1. Emphasise your good points.
2. Change weaknesses into strengths.
3. Change attitudes.
4. Focus on what you want for yourself.
Affirmations are extremely effective in changing thinking patterns and programming the subconscious mind. With practice they become a powerful weapon in your confidence-building arsenal.
