ways to overcome anger

Oftentimes when Im angry I feel the need to act on it, but later I generally wish Id waited. Decide that youre not going to do anything until the feeling has less of a grip on you.

Is your neck tense? Is your chest burning? Is your throat tightening? Are your legs twitching? Recognize the sensations in your body and breathe into those areas to clear the blockages that are keeping you feeling stuck.

You can get yourself all revved-up, stewing in righteousness and mentally rehashing all the ways you were wronged. Or you can talk yourself down from bitter rage into a place of inner calm. In the end, were the only ones responsible for our mental states, so this is a great opportunity to practice regulating yours.

Decide that youre not looking to get even or regain a sense of power. Youre looking to address the situation and communicate your thoughts about it clearly.

Were you having a bad day already? Were you already feeling annoyed or irritated? It could be that someones actions were the straw that broke the camels back, but not fully responsible for creating these feelings.

Is it really what someone else did, or are you feeling angry because of what youre interpreting their actions to mean? (For example, you may think that your boyfriend not showing up means that he doesnt respect you, when he may have a valid explanation).

If youre angry with someone for doing something that youve done many times before, your feelings may be magnified by seeing a behavior of your own that youre not proud of. Look for all areas where you may be projecting your own traits onto someone else to get closer to root of your feelings.

Grab your pen and walk yourself through it step by step. What did the other person do? Are you assuming negative intentions on their part? Have they done this before? How do you feel besides angry do you feel insecure, frustrated, or confused? Get it all out.

Now that you know more clearly what part the other person played in your anger and which part is more about you, write a letter to him or her. You may send this letter, or you might end up just burning it. This is to help you clarify what exactly youd like that person to know, understand, or change.

Now that youre clear about the role you played in your anger, initiate a verbal conversation about what bothered you.You could also send the letter you wrote, but it will be easier to clarify parts the other person doesnt understand if youre having a direct back-and-forth exchange.