ways to be a better parent

Your 2-year-old is building a tower, and you see that the block hes about to place on top will cause it to come crashing down. Anxious to avoid the crash (and ensuing tears), you stop him from adding the block, explaining that sometimes one more is one too many. While youre right to prevent accidents that could cause harm, allowing your child to learn from his errors instills the lesson at hand better than an explanation ever could, says Christopher Lucas, MD, an associate professor of child and adolescent psychiatry at the New York University School of Medicine, in New York City.
At a very basic level, this kind of mistake helps a child understand cause and effect. But its also more emotionally healthy to let your child experience disappointment sometimes especially in the form of a toppled block tower instead of shielding him from any and all negative events, Dr. Lucas adds. Similarly, when your baby is mastering how to use a sippy cup or your toddler is learning to dress himself, experts like Dr. Lucas encourage parents to let mistakes happen. Lillian Valentine Hope, mother of 18-month-old Lauren, remembers her daughters first attempts to drink water from a cup. The first time, she started gagging a little. My first impulse was to panic and grab it from her, says Hope, who lives in Brookfield, Connecticut. But I chose instead to say Its okay and Lets try it again! After a few rounds of trial and error and soaked shirts, she was successful. Dr. Lucas says theres good reason for this: Children learn best on the edge of failure thats where the challenge is and where theres the most opportunity for growth.

Even the youngest baby will start to equate comfort with consuming if the bottle is always offered to quiet crying. So will the toddler who is habitually given apple juice after a fall or a cookie for good behavior, says Dr. Karp, who adds that what a child seeks and what is important to give is your attention, pure and simple.
Even very young children are wired for social relations, Dr. Karp explains. For them, parental attention is about more than just getting enough it means everything in the world to them. Your attaching a treat to the deal alters that perception. Youre demonstrating that an object or sweet has more merit and value than does a simple hug and a smile, says Dr. Karp, allowing that the occasional bending of this rule is to be forgiven. Sure, pull out the big guns when you really need them. Your child has a tantrum in the grocery store? By all means, offer her a cookie. And it will really work then, because you havent overused it.

At some point your child will break every rule you make. But if you react to each infraction with the same show of disapproval Mommys mad; hes in the time-out chair he may not reach an understanding of what prompted the rule-breaking behavior in the first place.
Simply put, your childs misbehavior is a direct result of the fact that he cannot control his emotions and it is one of parents most important tasks to teach their children how to do just that. Your child doesnt whine and have temper tantrums because he is trying to manipulate you. He isnt purposely being bad, says Pantley, who calls emotion-fueled outbursts on the part of very young children biologically, psychologically, and absolutely normal.
So while you may well impose the appropriate disciplinary measure (that time-out, for instance), a calm and compassionate conversation is important too. Ask your child questions, and provide suggestions, Pantley suggests: Your sister is crying because you took her bear. What will make her feel better? Do you think you can help her bear give her a hug?

Your intentions are good. In an effort to make the best choices for your child, you read up on how to impose just the right nap schedule, adhere to the appropriate amount of television viewing, and calibrate the best nutritional balance of protein, fats, and carbs. Trying to get it all right can be exhausting, and youre sometimes plagued with guilt that you havent lived up to these standards. Sound familiar? The truth is, there are a lot of experts out there and far too much advice, some of it conflicting. No one knows your child better than you do, says Gurian, who encourages parents to trust their own instincts. For example, do you sense intuitively that a baby music class will be difficult for your 10-month-old son, who wails when forced to sit still for even short periods? Then skip it. Ditto the reading-readiness software program that while loved by the neighbors 3-year-old is not a hit with your own. Your child may not enjoy instruction at the age of 3. She may get frustrated and turned off. Your gut may be telling you that shed get more out of doing something else with her time: playing, for example, says Gurian, who encourages parents to avoid the trap of opting for too much too soon out of an anxiety that their children will fall behind. And, good news: Theres a benefit for you, too, in taking this approach. When parents reclaim control over the decision-making process, they feel liberated, Gurian adds. They knew what to do; it was in their gut somewhere.

A baby who once loved an activity now rejects it. Parents can be quick to assume that somethings wrong when, in fact, it may be that hes matured. While measuring your childs outward signs of growth in inches and on the scale, remember that he is making strides on the inside too emotionally and cognitively. The parents role as their children evolve from infants to toddlers and beyond? To evolve right along with them.

Mom/blogger Jessica Abbot says a great way to make sure you acknowledge the things your kid is doing right is by putting three rubber bands on your arm at the start of the day, then taking one off every time you praise your kid. By the end of the day you should have taken off all the rubber bands

Similar to the Rubber Band Method is the Five Rings Method, which has you start the day with five rings on one arm. Every time you yell during the day you take off a ring. By drawing your attention to how many times you yell, you will learn to yell less.

Its easy to get distracted, but Love Play Learn has a number of strong suggestions for being more present, including setting aside 20-30 minutes per day when you focus on your kid 100%.

Its A Fabulous Life has outlined almost a years worth of wonderful weekly challenges that encourage you to do things like teach positivity to your kids.

The Happiness Project says that it takes at least six seconds to get oxytocin and serotonin aka the happy chemicals flowing. Do you hug your kids that long? Mom/Blogger Kelly Holmes found that by hugging her partner and kids longer, it made her more relaxed and better able to deal with parenting challenges.