movie plot holes and paradoxes

So this Tim Allen comedy classic opens with Tim basically killing Father Christmas (that s right isn t it? I haven t seen it for a while). Then according to the blood feud laws of the Lapland, he is then forced to assume the role of Santa Claus (the titular and hilarious clause ). Tim is surprised that Santa really exists, but he clearly does. He also is clearly shown to be solely responsible for delivering presents to the children of the world. So where the hell did their parents think those presents were coming from? Some sort of ultra expensive and never talked about government initiative?

Well I guess he was pretty busy over the years hunting down the remaining Jedi, building an Empire, mourning Padme, and solidifying his position as the Emperor s right hand man, but you think Darth Vader would have remembered C3PO. You know the droid he built and his last surviving link to his mother. Who died in front of him and made him turn evil. Guess he moved on.

There s a ticking time bomb in Octopussy. Bond has just over five minutes to detonate it but needs to get into a circus big top to reach the people he needs to warn. So he does the obvious and dresses as a sad clown in order to infiltrate the place. Then no one believes him so he has to fight them all in order to reach the bomb and disarm it. All of which takes five minutes. And considering four of them were spent fighting people while dressed as a clown, meant he s got to be shit hot at applying make up.

Quite rightly, Ashton Kutcher s cell mate in jail doesn t believe in his boasted time travel skills. So Kutcher goes back in time, sticks a skewer in his hand and then in the present shows off his scars which blows his cell mate s tiny mind. Except, wouldn t those scars have always existed in this new reality considering they had already happened in the past before prison? So the cell mate would just think he was showing him old scars. Hmm, this means you can never prove, or disprove, time travel. In that case, I can definitely time travel I ve just done it.

Much like its recent sequel, the first G.I. Joe film is an over the top yet incredibly enjoyable piece of popcorn film making. In its subtle finale, Destro s amazing underwater Arctic base is crushed when the ice shelf above it is blown up, causing the ice to come cascading down. The only small problem with this is that ice floats.

Without doubt, The Iron Giant is one of the most under appreciated films of all time. It s a work of genius, and should be required viewing for everybody. It s heart warming and beautiful, and a real ode to the power of friendship. However, that doesn t excuse it from the fact that poor Hogarth is most likely given a cruel death sentence by the army general at the end of the film. The Iron Giant has sacrificed himself by stopping a nuclear bomb from destroying the town, scattering his remains. The general then gives Hogarth the only bit they recovered a small bolt. Which has recently been bathed in deadly radiation.

Humans blocked out the sun in The Matrix, in order to deprive the machines of their energy source. Except that it s also the energy source of our entire eco system, and would have killed us long before those pesky machines. However, you think you re so smart working this out, but then you realise all knowledge about how we think the world works could come from the Matrix. Maybe we don t even need the sun to rely on. Quick, block it out to destroy the machines!

So Buzz Lightyear doesn t believe he s a toy does he? In fact, this is the basis of Toy Story s excellent script. Buzz has issues and thinks the other toys are insane in their beliefs. Yet he still freezes when a human comes into the room doesn t he? Is it peer pressure? Fright at a giant monster? An innate understanding of his true nature? Hmm, perhaps I m starting to over think these plot holes

The final words of a dying Charles Foster Kane. They spark a mystery that must be solved, and a look back into the past of an all powerful man who yearned to return from where he once came. Except Kane died alone. So who exactly heard these dying words? The greatest film of all time is ruined.

Don t feed the Mogwai after midnight. It s a core rule that I ve lived by my entire life. It s the basic tenet of Gremlins after all, it s only after this golden rule is broken that shit goes down. But what about the international date zone? Surely it s always going to be midnight somewhere in the world? Which means the Gremlins are always destined to come out, and this rule is a lie designed to make us think we re safe. A bit like insurance.