wedding

Do not make an issue of the toothpaste tube, laugh at the small nuisances and you will be a happier person for it.

Be honest in all aspects of your relationship. If you have not been, start now

The exercise is not only good for your physical health, it gets the blood pumping through your brains and helps you think more clearly. The views and smells of nature will help relax both of you. The clear minds and the soothing affects will create a great environment to be open and honest and talk about everything.

its great exercise and fun. If you cant dance then take a lesson together and learn a dance to enjoy with each other.

Perfectionism leads to unnecessary guilt and shame, both of which destroy relationships. The truth is that we all have limitations. This is part of being human. Love is about accepting and loving each other despite the disappointments. You cannot have a healthy, honest relationship with your spouse if you are always trying to prove that you are superhuman. You will be too exhausted to be nice if you are busy putting on a daily performance At times, you must be able to say, Im sorry. I just cant do this. You may not make the kinds of special meals, be as cheerful or as organized as he would like. He will disappoint you in some ways as well. Practice accepting your own and other peoples limitations, such as roommates and family members, without getting angry at yourself or them for not being perfect.

We all have a primitive animal brain, located at the back of the head, which contains violent, immoral and irrational responses to events the kind any one or two year old experiences when frustrated, hungry or over tired. Thankfully, we also have a neo cortex, located behind our forehead, which is responsible for controlling these urges. For example, you may sometimes experience the urge to attack because your spouse has hurt your feelings or was not available when you were in distress. Notice when you do not follow these initial responses. Be proud of these victories. Self-control is the basis of self-respect. You'll have endless opportunities to practice! One of the biggest acts of self-control is to be silent when you cannot think of a respectful way to talk about your feelings.

The greatest antidote for depression, anxiety and rage is positive action. Women tend to have more mood swings than men. Learn to ignore them as much as possible; they all eventually pass. Do not over share, as this can bring you both down. Instead, walking, cleaning or even smiling can put you in a good mood. You do not have to feel good to act good! No one likes a bossy person, nor a clingy, depressed individual who is too focused on her moods to function.

You start off your marriage with love for each other, but will kill those good feelings if you try to change each other You may not realize it, but when you give advice, the underlying message is,You are stupid and inept. I dont respect you. So refrain from giving advice about what to wear, what to say, how to clean the dishes or how to think or feel, as this destroys self-confidence! Unless your spouse is doing something dangerous to your physical or mental health, resist the urge to criticize. Whenever possible, tell your spouse,You make great decisions. I trust that you to know what to do. Practice now, complimenting the people in your environment for doing their best, even if it is not up to your standards. And if people give you too much advice, practice saying,I m building my self confidence by making my own decisions. You did not get married in order to be fixed. You married in order to experience unconditional love; to feel accepted and respected as you are. Criticism destroys love.

No one understands anyone 100%. You dont even understand your own self completely Men and women have different needs, values and interests. Men like to solve problems; they generally do not want to dwell on feelings, as this makes them feel weak and needy. Therefore, men bond by talking about facts or their successes. Women, on the other hand, bond by talking about their problems, frustrations and disappointments. Rather than advice, they generally just want a soothing, empathetic response, such as, I understand. Few men like to talk about their feelings at least, not for long. Unless he voluntarily supplies the information, do not ask your husband, How do you feel? He may take your question as an attempt to control, probe and belittle. Help your husband understand what you want by stating clearly, I need empathy, which means that you just need to say Im sorry you are in pain. Or, say, I need advice. Men love to be in the role of rescuer.

Men and women have a need for both closeness and independence. These two needs are essentially contradictory. You need closeness, which requires that you be able to be vulnerable and share your deepest feelings. On the other hand, you need the independence to develop your own personality and talents. Both men and women hold two major fears: a) marriage to a bossy, dictatorial type who destroys their sense of self-worth, or b) marriage to a clingy, depressive type whose needs are so great that their own growth is stifled. The best way to avoid being overly needy or overly dictatorial is to build yourself up in your own eyes and the eyes of your spouse. Talk about your successes. After all, if you keep putting yourself down, you are implying that your spouse made a poor decision in deciding to marry you. Tell each other about your difficult acts of self-discipline how you went to work even though you were tired, controlled the urge to eat junk food or said a firm No, to the demands of a difficult person.